You spend ages choosing the right photos. Write a profile that makes you sound reasonably normal. Exchange messages with strangers who seem promising, then disappear when you suggest meeting.

Finding a horse sharer is remarkably like dating. Except you are choosing someone for your horse, and somehow feel even more protective.

You want someone reliable, kind and compatible. Your horse wants someone who knows where the treats are. Between you, there is quite a selection process.

First, you have to write the profile

How do you describe the animal you adore without accidentally advertising a completely different horse?

“Characterful” is doing a lot of work. “Forward-going” could mean anything from pleasantly enthusiastic to approaching the end of the bridleway at a speed you had not discussed.

Then there is “potential to go further”, which sometimes means the horse has ability and sometimes means he has already gone further than intended, with you still on him.

The temptation is to lead with the lovely summer photos and quietly leave out his winter personality. But you are looking for someone who will enjoy the horse you actually have.

A useful tip: describe what your horse does rather than relying on labels. “Happy hacking alone but gets strong in company” tells someone far more than “not a novice ride”.

And use a recent photo. We have all changed since 2019.

Everyone says they are experienced

“Experienced rider looking for a share.”

Excellent. Experienced in what?

Riding school lessons? Bringing on youngsters? Hacking a sensible cob twice a week? Surviving a pony called Fudge who was banned from three Pony Club rallies?

None of those experiences are interchangeable.

Someone might ride beautifully but never have turned a horse out in a field of interested spectators. Another person might be wonderfully capable around the yard but have no desire to jump anything higher than a fallen twig. Or perhaps they are an adult who is just getting back into riding.

Neither is a problem if it suits your horse and the arrangement.

A useful tip: ask what they have been riding recently and what they enjoy. A proper conversation tells you more than asking whether they are “confident”, a word people tend to interpret quite generously from the safety of their sofa.

The messaging stage can test you

You have included the location, days, contribution and riding requirements in the advert.

“Where are you based?”

You reply.

“Which days?”

You reply.

“Would he suit a complete beginner?”

You look back at the sentence explaining that he would not.

Then someone sends a thoughtful message, describes their experience and asks sensible questions. You begin mentally introducing them to the yard.

They never reply again.

Somewhere, a horse owner is still waiting to hear whether Thursday works.

Make the key details easy to find, but accept that a few conversations will go nowhere. You do not need to rearrange your entire week for someone who has yet to confirm they live within travelling distance.

The first meeting is an unusual first date

There is no flattering lighting. You are wearing a coat with a broken zip, and your horse has chosen today to demonstrate a behaviour you have genuinely never seen before.

“He doesn’t normally do that,” you say, immediately sounding like everyone who has ever said it.

Meanwhile, the potential sharer is trying to remember how to put on a headcollar while being watched. A task they have performed several thousand times has suddenly become a technical assessment.

Give everyone a little room to settle.

Watching someone handle, groom and tack up can tell you plenty. Do they listen? Ask when they are unsure? Notice when the horse is uncomfortable? Can you talk to each other without it feeling awkward?

A useful tip: allow time for the ordinary yard jobs as well as riding. You are hoping to share responsibility for a horse, so it helps to see more than a neat twenty-metre circle.

Chemistry is lovely. Availability is quite important

You have found someone who rides beautifully. Your horse likes them. You like them. They even put the grooming kit away.

Unfortunately, they can only do every other Sunday, and you need Tuesdays and Thursdays.

It is tempting to decide you will somehow work around it because they seem so suitable. Three weeks later, you are still doing Tuesdays and Thursdays.

Before getting too attached, establish whether the practical arrangement works:

• Can they commit to the days you need?
• Are they happy with the jobs involved?
• Does the travelling distance work regularly?
• Do their riding ambitions suit your horse?

You can compromise on preferences. It is harder to compromise on someone being there.

You need the “what are we?” conversation

At some point, “come up and see how you get on” needs to become an actual arrangement.

Otherwise, one person thinks they have found a regular hacking partner and the other is browsing competition schedules.

Talk about riding, yard jobs, costs, cancellations and who to contact if something goes wrong. Agree what happens when the horse cannot be ridden, too. A wet Tuesday spent picking out feet is a slightly different proposition from the sunny hack in the advert.

Write down what you agree, including how either person can end the share. The British Horse Society’s guidance on loaning and sharing horses is a useful starting point.

It may feel a little formal when you are getting on well. It is considerably easier than discussing what you both thought you meant six weeks later.

The right match makes the ordinary days better

Perhaps the most attractive message a horse owner can receive is:

“All done. He was good. See you Thursday.”

No mystery. No chasing. No discovery the following morning that “all done” excluded water.

A good sharer can bring another person into your horse’s life who cares about the small things, notices when something is different and enjoys spending time with them.

You might have different riding goals or disagree slightly about how neatly a rug should be folded. If your horse is happy, the responsibilities are clear and you can talk openly, you have a promising start.